Prayers are the most wanted commodity, and nervousness breaks loose. Today, thousands of 4th year students from hundreds of schools gather today in the Ateneo campus to take their long awaited, long studied for, ACET. Thousands of hopefuls. Thousands excited. Thousands in awe. Thousands. And among those thousands of people are a few of those dearest to my heart, just a few, but have done so much to help me become who I am today, and have not yet ceased to inspire me. I couldn't be more grateful.

Ever since I've entered The Ateneo, ever since I've been officially labeled an Atenean, and even praised for it, I've encouraged my friends so heartily to join me after they graduate this year; to go to this school I'm so privilaged to be in; to make new memories, fun memories; to be with them, because I knew them, and I would never forget.

But time and reality has finally absorbed me. And, today, I find it hard to tell them of memories that could be made and the thrills we could all go through. And even when I do try to give them hope, next year brings false hope for me. Even if they do pass and be a part of that school -- my school -- I wouldn’t. And it’s finally sinking in -- the regret of ever dreaming these dreams of still being an Atenean next year, this vision of how I wish to be with them, to be the mature college girl to show them around, ask them if they'd like to eat at "caf up"or "Jsec" conquer some bench, sit on the grass beneath the shade of the trees -- they will never happen, as much as I keep telling them what could happen. It tortures me thinking this home I want to keep could be brighter next year, when we're finally together again, but after many moments of hoping, there is futility. I can't be with them when the time comes.

    Then I think about what circumstance my reality’s future would bring me: them telling me about their experiences in The Ateneo, and I just agreeing, trying to remember the circumstance happening to me once upon a time.

    But i must keep telling myself that this is all part of God's plan. By His grace, I will tred forward. I lift up to Him my desires, which are hardly significant or large scale. I lift up to him what I want, which is to stay with the people I love in the school that I love. And from that, I'll let Him take me to where He wants me to be. Faith, I will have faith.

1 Comment 13.9.08 06:19, comment

Not Love

There's a moment, in the midst of the enjoyment of your new life, when you should never have. And before smiles break through and squinted eyes widen, you let out a cry. And as you look back in the corner of your mind, quietly contemplating on the possibilites, checking to see if your mind is deceiving or if your company doesn't refuse, but are hardly capable to understand, because you won't let them, you look down at the ground. And as you you get stripped off your present into you own thoughtful void of the past, for just a moment, you realize, remember, relive, that maybe after having gone through all that, after having loving and learning, the insignificance of it all just left a fading print on the sand. You wonder why there are smiles of enjoyment in that other end of the table. You ask yourself if it meant anything but deceit and regret. Then with one word, "okay" you smile, and think to yourself that that was all you needed to hear. Because he was in awe. . . hardly in love. . .

3.9.08 08:58, comment

Goodnight, Dear

How it exists,

And so subtley

changes.

How things were there

That, now, are gone.

With days, 

Like strangers,

Pass by, they come,

Like you and I.

So hence the sky is probably blue,

And the grass is probably green,

And I probably love you. . .

Probably, probably,

Like seasons changing,

Porbably.

I wish you goodnight,

Coz the starry sky

Looks as beautiful

As when it was probably blue.

29.8.08 13:58, comment