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deja vu all over again like the last time
Went to MOA today with Geri, Kevin, Sam, Wacky, and Mackey. The best part of the whole gimmick was when we went ice skating. It felt strange to keep effort to balance yourself. It was like using 3 inch heels on a newly polished floor.
I fell a few times, but one of my falls was the most unforgettable moment of that whole "get together".
Geri was about to fall (by the way, it would have been her first fall if she did completely lose her balance). Sam and I tried to help her. I grabbed her left arm, and Sam grabbed her right. We ended up sort of twisting her arms back, and made her look like she was hugging herself, then I crashed into Sam, and we both let go of Ger's arms and sort of tried to grab each other for support, but ended up falling instead. I can remember the Sam's face right before we crashed o_O.
And the "cue-ball, four-ball" incident... Haha... badtrip xb. I luvya guys <(^-^)> Happy birthday Joaky.. Aloha ;b
Potential
Potential is like Valentines Day. It's an idea. It depends on how you react to such a word, be it negative or positive, true or unreal. Its a result that you never expect, but it came simply because you tried your best. They say it isnt a battle between what is good and bad, but a battle between what is good and best.
I am placed in this instance, and I never expected it. I look presently at today's cycle of circumstances. I see regret in happiness. My soul calls for something, it searches for something, and yet it feels incapable to grasp that satisfaction. This is my burden for a burden -- to find joy in a burden; to be used by my God.
To walk in the path where the cripple tred, to grasp that which only the armless man can, to hear the love of a deaf man's dedication, to speak words unspoken by the mute, to see that which only the blind man sees. "incapable", but blessed with a realization of potential. I want to leap higher mountains.
You and I Both
Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
Oh taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only read of the love, the love that I love.
See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive
You and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just dream of
And if you could see me now
Well I'm almost finally out of
I'm finally out of
Finally deedeedeedee
Well I'm almost finally, finally
Well I'm free, oh, I'm free
And it's okay if you have go away
Oh just remember the telephone works both ways
And if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang
Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm almost finally out of.
I'm finally out of, finally, deedeeededede
well I'm almost finally, finally, finally out of words.
because it's true =3
Insomnia Does Wonders
How honest can I be?
Worse than being hurt is not knowing what you feel. Timesa re painful in a way, but my joy is getting brighter. Not that joy is a bad thing, but shouldn't I be feeling otherwise?
When things first ended, I braced my patience, and told myself that I'd let my composure decline when I didn't mean anything to him anymore, and pour what feelings I had on him, be it bitterness or concern. I am a believer of remedy through expression of one's self, but I also know when enough is enough. That was about 2 months ago.
I couldn't sleep last night. Knowing that he likes someone else profoundly, I thought about committing to express myself to him. But for some reason, all I did was cry. . . and I cried for the first time since times for him and I declined. My phone on my hand, but the message window stayed blank.
I had nothing to say. No bitterness to proclaim, no concern to insinuate. Why I cried was out of confusion. And of all the times I had to cry, it was when I didn't have any reason to. I don't hate him. . I don't exactly like him either. Yes, thoughts of him cross me when my mind isn't vulnerable to anything else, but they hardly empower my emotions. Why I still think of him is a question to me. It's like dreaming of a stranger.
Truthfully, I'm very much affected. But I honestly can't say how I'm affected. I don't hate him. . . I don't admire him either. . . My most honest insight: I've learned how to love in a different perspective.
Prayer
I noticed that I've been judging the days of this past week -- how they all started, up to how they ended. Everyday, I start my mornings with joy and dreams, but I grew frail to reality. Everyday, there was a contrast, and I always let the sun go down over my anger and frustration. . . All I wanted was a day where I did everything right.
Yesterday was my answered prayer. It was the most hectic, the most challenging day of my week. I was at the brink of failing my tests for the day, I wasn't able to fulfill the goals I set, I got scolded, I got someone else scolded, I stayed in school until 8:00pm for rehearsals; tired, exhausted, frustrated. I was going home with another disappointing day. . .
Then I saw the moon, full, but dressed with black clouds. I saw streetlights sharply illuminated, and heard a siren and a variety of honks from jeepnies and cars.
But backed away from all that, was a sound of silence. And as I stared at the moon, it was as if its silence was quiet enough to reach all the chaos of this world, and still exist. Sooner or later, all I heard was the steady drops of rain landing on the roof of the car. When I got home, I saw the lights still sharp and illuminated, with the visible rays reaching only a certain point, but its glow all over the streets, just like how I saw it through the window of the car, I just thought I wouldn't be able to see it any other way. It was real, peaceful, dusty, gloomy. The rain was still pouring, but I couldn't stop admiring the silent moon.
The day didn't have to be right, and it was quite impossible for it to reach perfection. Where does happiness come from? I just wanted to be.
Eased by Pain
Do I owe anyone anything? I don't think so.
Then why? Why is it that when I think about the present, flattery strikes me, and the moon reminds me? If only I were a little more naive, this subtle crush wouldn't have my head throbbing. It's irritating, it doesn't feel right, I can't sleep.
But I relax. . . When I see he no longer writes about me, when I see no pictures to remind him of me, when I see nothing of meaning to me. . . it reminds me that I probably do owe somebody something.
This thought makes me happy, this little crush flatters me. But it doesn't seem right. . . I apologized for sighing out loud at least once today.
I don't want to get too close
You see this isn't where my head is
If you knew me I'm not like this
But I just found someone special
And that's really something special
If you knew me
Nice to meet you anyway
I believe you're very fine
Still I haven't got the time
Cause I just found someone special
And that's really something special
If you knew me
Nice to meet you anyway
And the sky opened up
With the soil of the sun
Dreaming of my true love
I don't mean to be so strange
But my life just took a change
You're amazing, I'm attracted
But I'm terribly distracted
And I'm trying to be verbal
And I'm back into this circle
Cause I just found someone special
And that's really something special
If you knew me
Nice to meet you
Even if you want me to stay here
I'm tellin you right now i can leave
Before i get to changing my mind here
I hope you understand what I mean
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