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Insanity for Dummies (You Could Have It Too)
He thought he could change the things that were unpleasing to him, and by going back, everything would end up benefitting. He thought that recalling his memories was a chance to save everyone from a crappy future. He thought that everyone (and himself for that matter) deserved a well-written future. Was it selfish, or was it a Samaritan's good deed? Either way, power of avoiding rough roads consumed him. Even with 40 years of memory during his quarter-life, he couldn't play God.
Isn't that what insanity is? Repeatedly doing the same thing in desperation for a different outcome. If the man only knew it sooner, he would have found out that his addiction was actually insanity. It's stupid, really. It's crazy. I wonder why the man didn't know that he was insane. Then again, I wonder if I have an insanity unknown to me.
Is it insane to care for someone despite the fact that things won't ever be the same? Is it insane to throw away ideals for a hopeful conversation? Are ideas insane to keep coming but never changing? Is it still insane if you have an idea that you are? Is it selfish, or is it a Samaritan's good deed?
Is this insanity, I wonder. I have a feeling that every obsession is.
Sarcasmic
rebekah_chuchi
blogging about insanity o_o
orenji_jusuu mmm
can i see ur blog?
rebekah_chuchi
surely
orenji_jusuu
i lyk readin bout insanity
rebekah_chuchi
its not done yet tho hehe i'll show you when im done
orenji_jusuu
uki m i in ur blog?
rebekah_chuchi
hmm i dnt think so
orenji_jusuu
aw
orenji_jusuu
i always thot i wus insane
rebekah_chuchi
im nt sure haha
you probably are
orenji_jusuu
see?
rebekah_chuchi
i think we all have our little touch of insanity
orenji_jusuu
wut do u mean
rebekah_chuchi
bsta hehe
orenji_jusuu
hay..vague m goin 2 mcdo..send me d address wen ur don k
rebekah_chuchi
uki happy eating kei?
http://20six.co.uk/dayoff
enjoy
orenji_jusuu
if i could fly
fly very high
i would
if i could
if i could
be beyond me
i would if
i could if
i could walk
a thousand miles
brave the winds
and rugged styles
not knowing
where without a care
i would
if i could
if i could say
what i felt
the way i feel
that i felt
i would
if i could
if i could make
a poem great
without bore
and much more
i would
if i could
rebekah_chuchi
haha then what are you?
orenji_jusuu
lalng..i think it wus 4 d beter i am burger king!
rebekah_chuchi
hehe no really
orenji_jusuu
wut?
rebekah_chuchi
like, what are you other than a sensitive guy?
or who are you* or.. what kind of person are you**
orenji_jusuu
hm ur a shrink now huh haha
m nut rily into sharing wut i realy am other dan d image dat id hav put myself up 2 be haha...its ok if u dun get it
rebekah_chuchi
i get it hehe thats good yeh.. thats true i wann blog agn haha
orenji_jusuu
yep haha
rebekah_chuchi
you know
orenji_jusuu
blogirl
rebekah_chuchi
to just be you hehe to not make an impression, but to be yer own impression or whatnot
and la lang moral: im glad you chose to be yerself haha
orenji_jusuu
i think u got me wrong tho
rebekah_chuchi
why? oh explain
orenji_jusuu
i dont choose 2 b myself
i chose 2 b d person dat ppl want me 2 b rather dan d person i rily know i am lyk..
hay
f course its nut lyk a general thing lyk..
d whole person of me dat i portray to people isnt necesarily all just of wut ppl want me 2 be but rather
rebekah_chuchi
oh so the image you've put yerself up to be is the image based on what otehr people expect frm you?
orenji_jusuu
a combination of wut people want me to be and what i want for myself
but mostly of what people expect me to be haha
.yup
its unnerving but it works way beter dan wen i wus a sensitive shy guy
altho innately im sensitive and shy i hav to be lyk..
insensitive and confident to fit in its different for me..cuz im here sa north where majority dont understand lyk what it means to be a gentleman if your a gentleman here, youre gay if youre a gentleman there, its just class if youre inglisero here, youre maarte if youre inglisero there, its okay lng..every1 is
rebekah_chuchi
hehe
orenji_jusuu
so here
rebekah_chuchi
well thats not really the case i think yer just conscious
orenji_jusuu
dats how it is
wut do u mean
rebekah_chuchi
wherever you go, there will be expectations.. uhm... expected from you
orenji_jusuu
hehe well put
orenji_jusuu
botom lyn
uhm i
f evry1 knew wut i rily wus i think itd just b catastrophic for me
d real me acts lyk nerdy loser d fake me is mature nd unbothered
sumhow iv grown to lyk d fake me so much that maybe it has become d real me haha..labo! m talkin 2 much..sry
rebekah_chuchi
no its okay
yeh.. maybe tahts already who you are
orenji_jusuu
yup
r u blogging?
rebekah_chuchi
you probably have the power to go back to being shy and nerdy, if i may say
but who you are is who you want to be.. its a dedication and a goal
orenji_jusuu
its realy more of
rebekah_chuchi
people are never fully developed. .we're alive becuae we're given oppertunities to change for a specific purpose and the world just conspires us to these changes
orenji_jusuu
im fighting not to go back to being shy and nerdy cuz it always creeps up
rebekah_chuchi
then thats the beginning of change.. uh,.. aka "losing to gain"
orenji_jusuu
nd wen it does..i just back off until it goes away haha is it weird? i mean.. er nvm dont u haf sumn lyk dat?
rebekah_chuchi
i do
im shy
extremely shy
orenji_jusuu
whooo
rebekah_chuchi
underconfident
i get intimidated by a lot of girls
i transferred because i thot i was gna fail my 2nd year of hs
and because it was hard to trust girls
orenji_jusuu
hm u always did tel me dat u blend in mor wid guys
rebekah_chuchi
im always compared to my geniouis brother
orenji_jusuu
mackeys a genius?
rebekah_chuchi
yuh o_o
and
right now, the guy i like likes another girl
i still feel like a failure
i never really got the oppertunity of success
orenji_jusuu
hm
rebekah_chuchi
i dnt really know how it feels like to be a winner.. like, for example, im always in the stupidest teams for sports
you knoe, i prefer being happy and forgetting all that
its like, those things just pull me down from what im supposed to be doing
orenji_jusuu
lyk its a distraction?
rebekah_chuchi
yeh its like... the side of me that fails
the side wherein i started out lazy, then i'll probably end lazy if i keep it up
..we're not exactly who we are now
humanly speaking, when expectations change, we change along with it
orenji_jusuu
i ges its d same 4 every1 e
if every1 stayd d way dey were frum childhood parang..itd b weird pero i think sum peopple r just born wid naturaly atractive personalities lyk..
dey dun haf 2 change demselves..
deyr born wid d personality dat ppl lyk about dem
nd so..
its easy
rebekah_chuchi
its not easy for anyone, im sure i think people are going at the same pace following the course of nature
and at the same time expectations
and at the same time choices
the point is... we aren't who we think we are, but individual works in progress
orenji_jusuu
ah
ewan haha
rebekah_chuchi
hehe
orenji_jusuu
i havnt had d tym 2 think bout it or botherd 2 think bout it i just b hu m suposd 2 b as dictated by wut surounds me cguro nga evry1 s d same
hay beks
rebekah_chuchi
hehe
i guess i am o_O
my change was dictated from the failures i went thru
or maybe change is just a second chance to find out who you really are
ewan tlga
orenji_jusuu
haha
rebekah_chuchi
bsta i know that God isnt finished with me yet
orenji_jusuu
oh im shur
hope ya don't mind, Gabe :b... haha... the chat was better than anything i could think to blog about. At least yer finally in my blog. The conversation was helpful for me. Thank you <(^-^)>.
Unreasonable Pain
Pain. People say that it's the gift that nobody wants; that it hurts as well as heals. It roughs up as well as reasons.
Still, "everything happens for a reason." is no reason for me to ask if I am living it right.
What is pain other than it being painful? It's the threads that tighten your stomach and entangle your backbone to a stiff. They make their way up to the throat, choking you and suffocating your lungs. Then the needle tips of these inner twines gather and cause the eyes feeling punctured and shaken. And one drop -- one that couldn't be stopped falls along with feelings that were once so familiar. And the memory chooses to go, but can't.
You go frozen until all that could be expressed is a sigh.
I know he feels for someone now, and is moving on. I know who he feels for, I suppose it's a good thing. These are the reasons, and probably so many others. But these reansons aren't mine. I freeze, but I do try to smile.
I probably just miss it. The time i was up til 4am to go to America, the couch in front of the t.v., and the great rolls of films that I can't forget.
Maybe even the games with guns, and costumes of fatigue; or my first ride on the intimidating Space Shuttle, and when heights didn't get to me on that carousel, plus the free bottle of water that came with it.
Or the brownout at atc.
The smiles I saw at VCF.
The hut with the sight of stars and lighthouses, and that big rock that i wanted to climb.
New years eve and the time i played dota.
The trip to the beach with people who were not my family.
The chicken fights.
The cliff that scared me to death, and the cave with "spider crabs" waiting around the dark walls.
The docks that got me wet during windy nights, when the stars were brighter than usual.
When I was down enough to hear a song over the phone.
The time i rode a horse for the first time in years.
Poker nights, and that surprise birthday.
The time I looked like ahelper while there was cabana in the middle of the rain, and the billiard table covered in guano.
Yes, guano. . . What? It's worth the thought.
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