The Day I Disappeared
Such a great day today. Bonding with Zyron, Xavi, and block, and other blocks, and this other block. Haha. Days are fun when you don't have a phone.
Then people got worried that i was missing, which i wish they didn't. I could have sworn that I told people about my test that would last til 6. Oh well. Kinda ruined my day because
1. Tomrrow, people are going to be all, "OMG BEKAH! YOU WENT MSSING DAW?! ARE YOU OKAY?!"
Duh.
2. I feel bad for making the m worry. Although I know that they care so so much to worry so so much, well, I should have confirmed my staying in school for a very very long time. Oh well.
You know, there should really be this law that requires a certain minimum hieght to be able to drive. because, I swear, in the car I was in yesterday, not only did the person smoke, with open windows on a rainy hour, she cursed because she couldn't see the humps. So very petite. Well, the physique. . the words just screwed the persona all up. Haha. i compared her teeny size to the person next to her more often than not. Her size wasn't exactly hard to miss -- neither was the cursing.
Hmm. . . Yeh, they really should do that. Why am I writing? I had a good day :D. A great day. No more math. I think I passed math. Joy and joyness.
Standing Out -- Playing the Team Sport Alone
There isn't much to deal with loneliness. As a child, I used to call up my parents, no matter where they were, be it in a another country, or what they were doing, i called only to declare what I so normally felt, "Mommy, Daddy, I'm lonely."
I don't remember anyone telling me about that word, or what it meant. It never came to my naive mind that it was one word out of so many that meant much. No, I did not know the dfinition of the word I labeled myself to be -- loneliness. No, I didn't know, but I felt. How would it be like, I wonder, if. . . nevermind.
Presently speaking, I am alone right now, completely independent on people's opinions, haitng it when being surrounded by the world, or even the smallest of crowds as they constantly watch me to fail. Well, that's my perception of the world, at least. There are only few I trust.
The world abandoned me, and I'm okay with it, because I found God. It has given me all the reason to abandon it as well. But part of me tells me that. . . that I have to try. Being alone isn't okay, although I find it quite peaceful. And if it is unnecesary to entertain the world, then I'd rather go my own way, be in my own world. I wonder if it's wrong. . .
I'm fine where I am. . . But that's all I keep telling myself.
Numb
Why wouldn't you let him write?
Why wouldn't he write?
Why couldn't he write?
Why did he ask?
Why, why, why in the first place. Even if i ask, I can't remember how it felt. It's good he merely asked, and never did. Burdens.
Poems Inspired from the Bordom of Math
ALGEBRA FOR COLLEGE FRESHMEN
I know no faces
In these four spaces
With lovers
And their chases.
I see no biting
No smiles enlightening
So many
In a place so inviting.
I saw my lover
My almost lover
A crowded day
I don't remember.
Away from the spotlight
Inconsistent in sight
So quiet
Hoping it right.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
THE MESSAGE I WAS SUPPOSED TO SEND MATEO (save in phone)
Omg
I'm solving crappy math problems.
So crappy
I cannot do
Too crappy
To comprehend
I want to write,
Even in Fil. . .
She
The light flickered above her while she was working on her newest project. Her stress is evident, the number of pages so plenty, her text messages coming, she’s done so much, will she not finish anytime soon? Why bother, why bother. . . She wants to get home.
His coffee tastes well with a cigarette puff; as satisfying as the grocery bag in hand. He places the white stick of death in his mouth then puffed; mouth then puffed, slowly dying. Why bother, why bother. . . He wishes to go back home.
The girl with the Skittles, who plans to buy her friend a gift. She wishes to buy a scarf, maybe because it was cold where she was. Her heart was excited to have him. Is she disappointed? Nobody knows, nobody knows, not even she. Why so alone, why so alone. . . now. . she just wanted to go home.
And this is how she writes, neither poetry nor prose. Neither brilliant nor mediocre, so she thought, so we all thought. How she wishes for honesty in her writing. How she wishes for her mind to be full of clear thoughts, ideas, and humor. How she wishes to see things beyond herself – to see things beautiful, not just black and white, not just white on white. No holding back.
She saw the light flicker – light then black, then bright then black. She saw the cigarette puff – it was gray in the night sky that lived to make stars shine, but it was raining that time, and the stars were too shy to glow. Still, she knew beauty, merely knew beauty.
She saw and described, thought and described, lived and tried. But why bother, why bother. She was alone; she just wanted to go home.
Tap, Tap, Here, Here
What works
When you can' t seem to express
The things done
When you can't say why
When you lose them
But love them
Who can't fathom the loss, pass by
When you slap him, hit him
Because you love him
The deafening silence comes slow
When such loved foreshadow
Haunts you
And nobody wants to know
When you have them
But never had them
When everybody
Has their own battles
When you hardly care
But you want to care
Let the rain shatter
When all you have is God
Alone on a rooftop
Only on a rooftop.
Simplicity
"Ignorance is bliss." As the oh-so popular saying goes. In the positive note, it speaks of the joy required from childlike faith and obedience -- depending on the absolute truth and not relying on human ability. But what if it meant other things too? Like, when yer joyful, you tend to lose sight of whatever is around you. When yer joyful, you tend to take things for granted. And you wouldn't know how or why things happened to change until they actually do change. AFter advancing, after moving on, there are those pitstops. . and you tend to ask yerself, "What just happened?"
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